As loving as I am, I am not a passive mother. With greater comic flare and dramatic arm movements than were shown me, I promptly shooed her. Out she hustled, with phone glued to ear.
It ain't easy being a mother. But even as difficult as it is, at times it has been the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. Women possess a peculiar duality, known only to them. There is the woman, and then there is the mother. Often these two have completely different thoughts, desires and goals.
And it is in finding that balance that many of us either fail our children or ourselves. Mothers are often the catch all when blame gets tossed into the air. Some of this blame is justified, but often its not. I wonder what my children will think of me, not now, but when they are older. Once separated by miles and obligations, children often forget the continual care that was extended during each and every day. Instead, sharp memories become sharper, disappointment becomes greater and so on. Its almost as if the love, due to being constant and familiar, is easily forgotten. Whereas, failings, even if few and far between, stand out; no longer diffused by love's constant glow.
I say all this knowing full well that not all mothers offer a warm glow. Their focus falls predominantly upon themselves and in the doing, leave their children in the dark. When out of balance, my scales tip toward my children. Even during my darkest, coldest moments, never have they felt anything but warmth and light. And I hope when they are older, that is what they remember.
Sane
PS ~ I do not know why I now have two boxes hovering over my blog page. These are the things that frustrate me about technology. It is made available even to those of us with no real tech skill, yet with enough glitches to cause one's mind to nearly explode. Hopefully, those hovering boxes will be removed shortly. In the meantime - don't let them spook you.
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