It's Time To Live

My life has always been one of an unsettled nature. A person doesn’t request that sort of life, it just sort of happens; I was born into it, and from there the drama just kept surprising me. Three years ago I took back my life. Things are better now, but I'm not quite where I want to be, not yet. However, every spring when the sun shifts position in the sky, I feel as though Nature is trying to bolster me and push me forward.

Despite how tumultuous my life has been at times, deep within my heart, I’ve always felt certain things would get better. I can’t say with the onset of spring my life has ever taken a sudden turn for the better. But something about the season makes it seem possible. Nature is saying, “It’s time to live again.”

I have to imagine there are groups of people who haven’t a clue what living an unsettled life feels like. For them life is steady, and the seasons just come and go. There is no ethereal harbinger hidden within a blossoming tree. But for me there is. 

As I move ahead with my life, the only drama I want are the passionate surges that live within love. I’m not concerned with life’s little ups and downs, to me those are mere pebbles on the road. It is startling what so many of us have lived with and through: spouses, partners or parents that were mentally unstable, psychotic, those that abused drugs, those that had manic tempers and spewed lies that kept the home in a perpetual state of suspense. I have to imagine those that have experienced such drama are much like me in wanting change; a life that is settled.

Even now as I watch the snow liquify under the bright afternoon sun, it feels like the earth is working hard to move us in the right direction. I hope so. There will always be this side of me, with this spiritual view of the world. I can’t say I can make sense of this particular perception, nor will I ever try. There is no reason why upon seeing a majestic hawk hover outside my writing window, I feel as though its aware of me much in the same way I’m aware of it; yet I do. I feel connected with these exquisite birds. Often when whispering a heartfelt prayer I’ve opened my eyes to see a hawk fly by.

These things, simple and small to most, mean more to me than any other form of spiritual communion. It is due to that feeling, that I have a gliding hawk tattooed on the top of my foot. As I move forward in life, the hawk flies with me. A silly thought to some, but profound to me. I am hoping for good things to follow the melting of the snow. As the buds form on the trees, ripe with life, I hope our lives will be ripe for new beginnings. And as the flowers push through the dirt in search of the sun, I hope that we leave the past behind and reach for a life that feels right; a life content under the sun.

Sane