Standing Alone

I hadn’t planned on writing today. Then my mind thought of those who feel alone.

I have never felt more solitary than when I was caged within a toxic marriage. Staring into the face of love gone wrong, illuminates and animates the inexorable reality that we, at our core, are always alone. When tethered to the wrong partner, the spotlight of unhappiness can and does, shine blindingly bright on the solitary steps we take as we move throughout each day.

The aloneness is inescapable. In the same way one’s voice is magnified when saddled with a head cold that muffles the brain, a bad marriage makes the voice within one’s mind slow, with an oddly amplified hollowed echo. And then, if we're lucky, we escape. And our voice becomes clear again.

Second to the emptiness and singularity one feels when caught in the grip of a failed marriage is the unexpected alone feeling one gets when surrounded by a crowd of strangers. This type of solitary awareness is amplified in different parts of the country. In some areas the emptiness is profound, in others its barely noticeable. I can only believe this is due to a certain collective emptiness; a feeling or energy that swirls in the air.

Oddly enough, one of the times I feel the least alone, is when I am alone.

If you find yourself feeling isolated and solitary today, don’t. Go easy on yourself. If you can do so, treat yourself well. Remember the importance of who you are. Relationships come and go, but you remain. Quite frankly, you cannot escape yourself. Your voice stands by your side, whether you want it to or not. Find harmony with it.

And if it makes you feel any better, a good percentage of those relationships that surround you, will end soon. It takes a very strong yet yielding union, perhaps one of kismet, to withstand the test of time. Like two trees growing side by side, a good union has to grow in balance, so the broad canopy of leaves never over shadows the other. 

There are always those small trees that try in earnest to grow mingled tightly within the base of the larger ones. As if when the wind of fate had blown, they resisted. They chose not to go out on their own. Survival is never found living at the base of another. It never flourishes, its beauty is never discovered, as it never stood under the light. 

One of the most breathtaking images is of a tree, standing alone in an open field. Or at least to me. If you feel the spotlight today, shining down on you, amplifying that you are on your own, know that in many ways, you aren’t as alone as it may appear. You’ve made it this far because of your strength. Your grace and beauty have been nourished only because you allowed the wind of fate to place you where you need to be; deeply rooted, you are bravely standing the test of time. 

Its not easy being a tree that stands alone - I know. I've always been a tree that stands alone, not by choice. Thus far Providence, or fate, hasn't planted a bright, beautiful tree next to me. And that's okay.

Sane