Do You Hear That Noise?

I think I hear the angels singing...no, that’s just the washing machine. No...those are definitely angels. 

Since asking for a divorce (two years, eleven months and five days ago), this is the first morning in which I threw back the blankets, having that request granted. Hallelujah.

Freedom should be free. It’s not. To keep it, to return it, to find it - we pay with all we have.

After busting through the door yesterday, home from the courthouse, I thought of jumping on the bathroom scale; convinced I weighed less than I did when I left the house earlier that day. After all, I have been carrying the weight of an insidious individual upon my shoulders for a very long time. 

My son made a very sincere observation last night, he said, “Think of all that your mind will be able to think about, now that you don't have to deal with the divorce.”  My son was right. Of course, it will take a while for my mind to decompress. Like a machine that’s suddenly been turned off after years of operating at full tilt, my mind will need time to sizzle and snap while decompressing and cooling down. 

Other than my references to this individual's appearance, the way in which he looks oddly plastic, that he’s short and wears his insecurities markedly upon his face; most of you don’t have a clue what to envision when I mention him. I would, if I were you, picture someone devious in appearance. And then, with that picture sitting within your mind, you'd question why I would walk down the aisle with such a nefarious looking specimen. Well, he looked harmless enough. More importantly, I failed to listen to my inner guidance system. Instead, I muted the various alarms that tried to alert me to the inconsistencies with his stories, and the many things that didn’t make sense. The old phrase, don’t judge a book by its cover, works just as well in reverse as it does in its more optimistic form. Often this phrase implies that something good resides within. Don’t dismiss someone, or a book, just because it appears unworthy on the outside. What I’ve come to learn, is the reverse is also true. Those that are sinister, cover themselves with a layer that hides their true intent. Make sure you take the time to pull back the cover, thumb through the chapters and read between the lines - you might be surprised what you'll find.

If you are wondering - I weigh the same as I did before. But, this is the first day, in over a decade of having settled down with the wrong book, wherein I started my day with full and sole legal ownership of my life, once again. 

Like a rotund hard-shelled beetle that’s managed to disorient itself completely; I’m sure my ex will still be out there, spinning himself around, bumping into walls, acting out in an effort to startle and scare off those around him. But I don’t care anymore. He is now, within the eyes of the law, a separate entity from me. And I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Sane