Well, To Be Completely Honest...

Note to women: unless you are prepared for the answer, don’t ask the question.

Blame it on the fact that women have a well rounded desire for communication. But for whatever the reason, women tend to seek out and gather the opinions and thoughts of others. And often, the one standing first in line to be asked their opinion is the hapless spouse or partner. And the subject for which the opinion is being asked has something to do with our appearance. 

I like to refer to these questions as, set up questions. Because even while asking them, we women, are very aware that we are placing the wile-less fool being asked into a precarious situation. If, that is, the one being asked truly cares about the asker’s feelings.  And generally, when sincere love is involved, they do.

There are times however, when asking if one looks good, is needed and a negative review is necessary. This thumbs down feedback has prevented many a woman from walking around looking like a circus clown. But those are rare occasions generally shared between friends. The doomed spouse is the one we target with the sole intent of wanting approval. Therefore the spouse or partner bears the burden of being caught in the awkward place of expressing what they truly think or keeping the peace. Side note: wise spouses routinely keep the peace.

When we know we have put on a few hefty pounds, we can feel it, we can see it, and we notice our clothes fit altogether differently. So why on earth would we then ask if others can see it as well? Most likely they can. For the most part, we should never march from the bedroom, seek out our partner, and ask, “Do these jeans make my butt look big?” What if they decided to be brutally frank, which although unwise and hurtful to do, they are however, entitled due to our asking. Would we handle it well and not get upset? Let’s say our backside looked dreadful, and they felt an honest answer was needed; to do so would require a great deal of tact. And men, bless their hearts, often struggle when trying to fluidly execute the use of tact. Women can smell that struggle. God knows, like a hawk on a mouse, we can see it from across the room. And then we get angry. 

What if, tired of such questions, said spouse turned, stared long and hard at your back side, an replied, “They’re so snug they’re causing your stomach to balloon out like a flabby marsupial pouch. You need to go up a few sizes Babe.”

From there, the moment would conclude something like this: 

“I just asked if I looked good. You didn’t have to be mean about it!” she shrieks.

Woman storms off, hurt and angry. With ferocity her mind forms and stores (with phenomenal detail), memories of the moment (including all associated feelings, facial expressions and vocal inflections). From there, the memory will remain active and available, even upon her final days, on her death bed, while hugging her children goodbye.

“Well why’d you ask? I thought you wanted to know..,” he says, confused.

Man looks back at the television set. His mind begins to casually erase all memories of the moment (including all associated feelings, facial expressions and vocal inflections). Within two weeks time, other than some fussy details, he will have no recollection of the moment whatsoever.

For the most part, when asking such a question we are banking on the kindness of our partner to spare our feelings. However, when one is fortunate enough to have a gracious and loving partner, it would be kind of us - to not ask the question.

Sane