Are You Sure This Is the Right Road?

I don’t believe we’re merely machines of skin and bone. Whether we choose to tap into it or not, I feel there’s much more to us than what we can see, or touch. In fact, I feel the entire reason we exist, has to do with the part of ourselves that is without tangible form.

I like to sit in the dark and watch the sun creep over the black silhouette of trees bordering the horizon. In doing so, I’m reminded that I’m sitting on a planet that moves. And this large planet, like me, is part of a much bigger system. Even though I’m reminded of how small my physical form is, I’m also reminded that the part of me without form is so much larger than what I can fathom.

Some, are content believing differently. Beliefs are personal, and everyone has a right to their own. I don’t need anyone to agree with me - not regarding this. I won’t say I understand the part of myself that lives simultaneously within my cells and beyond my cells. But then again, I really don’t understand how this blog is transmitted, across the world, without any real tangible form. I run into a mental wall when it comes to understanding wireless communication. Perhaps that is why I run into so many spiritual walls, as well. I believe in it, but it too is wireless and I don’t fully understand it.

I wish I were a spiritual egg head, geek or tech. When my spiritual wireless connection falters, instead of feeling instant dread, I would simply fix the problem and continue on with life. There are times however, when I feel as though I’ve lost my connection entirely; to the point that I question if I ever had it to begin with. All of which, are feelings that bring on an instantaneous panic. Usually, something flutters back into my world that helps me reconnect, and get back online.

Maybe my spiritual connection was never broken. Instead it was merely clouded over by my working brain. I will admit, my brain often works to the point of creating quite a large plume of dust, debris and smoke.

Some say we control everything in our lives - the good and bad. Truth is: I don’t feel in control of all that much. Except, that is, for the intimate, quiet times when I sit and watch the sun rise over the trees. Those moments help to clear the smoke from my mind, and more importantly, my soul. They remind me that there is constant movement - the planet, my mind and my soul. 

With that said, I've done a good deal of moving in the wrong direction before moving in the right direction. And, even though most sages would say there is no wrong direction - I’m pretty sure I could argue that point. If I were so brazen to argue with a wise, old sage; which, I’m not.

Perhaps I’ve never taken a wrong turn. If that’s the case, I’m convinced I’ve taken many a tortuous detour. Sure, I’ve gathered knowledge while stumbling into the various potholes that seem to make up the entire road of those detours. But was I so dense in the first place to have needed all of those hard lessons - probably. I can’t say that I’m on the right road or, on another laborious detour right now. I only know that this is where I am. I haven’t fallen into any potholes recently. Yes, my soon-to-be-ex is still eluding paying his child support and he is still dragging out the divorce. But my kids are healthy, and my book is soon to be published. And those last two things feel like the right road.

Sane