It happened. I was standing in my kitchen yesterday, looking out the window. All I could see was darkness and my tired reflection staring back at me. I sighed, relieved to put an end to the day. I turned to give the clock on the microwave a quick glance. To my shock I discovered it was only 6pm. Every fiber in my body was under the resolute conclusion that it had to be somewhere closer to 9pm.
This was not a good precursor to the way my night was about to play out. Please tell me that I’m not the only one that occasionally gets flooded with menacing thoughts in the middle of the night?
This doesn’t happen to me every night - thank God. But it happens enough wherein I have to wonder why. Like a cruel game of 52 Pick-Up my brain decides to let go of a whole deck of troublesome thoughts precisely when my body is about to fall into an otherwise peaceful sleep. Thoughts I hadn’t even thought of before, fall across my mind. In the end, I'm left with a whole new stack of scattered worries.
Perhaps I am the only one with this particular problem. Could be. I am a bit left of center. During the day I do a fairly good job at keeping my worries in check. My attention to these thoughts at night however, only serves to amplify them. If I give them free reign - heaven help me - before too long my heart rate increases, and I have to stick a foot out from under the covers to cool myself down.
Last night this very thing happened. It all started when my white boxer, who now sleeps with me, in bed, since her companion (my faithful english setter) passed away. At 4:16am, she decided to stand and stare at me. Unlike some dogs that nudge their owner or let out a small bark to signal that they need to take a quick trip outside, my boxer employs the use of Jedi mind control. Fortunately, I do seem to feel her stare. Like the nighttime curmudgeon I am, I grumbled and let her out. One would think I would have been thankful to her for waking me from a dreadful dream. But no. I throw myself back into bed, just to discover that my night mind is raring and ready to go.
Out of the gazillion thoughts that one could think, the only ones streaming through my mind were ones of worry and concern. After I finally did manage to fall back to sleep, I dreamed someone drove through my house, adding to the horrible scene was the fact that many of the players involved were of questionable character. How they managed to get into my dream, I do not know. But now, sitting here, about to start my day, I already feel a bit defeated. I have battled many a worry, many a concern and had to hammer pieces of plywood over the large holes left in my home after the dark green Ford Pinto drove through it last night.
I can only hope that today stands in bright contrast to the gloomy night I had. And maybe tonight my eyes will close softly and easily and my thoughts will be of sugar plums instead of nighttime marauders. And if I do wake in the middle of the night, my thoughts will be on something lovely, perhaps my book, and not the things that worry me.
Sane
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