I do not know how to process the world through anyone else’s mind – but that of my own. I have often tried to view life differently, but my efforts fail.
During my last visit with my psychic, she mentioned something that stirred a good deal of self analysis. I do not put thought into past lives, as I am unable to measure it against anything. Therefore, I have no way of calculating the accuracy of the claim. However, she said my last life was one spent during the 1840’s in which I fought for women’s rights and the rights of those not able to fight for themselves. My psychic did not share a great deal on the subject, but did say, I was a crusader for truth.
Sitting in my Jeep the other morning, opening mail, I opened the documents I’d requested from the State; documents sent into the Unemployment Agency by my estranged spouse and business partner. Staring at the documents, the words of my psychic moved across my mind. And like the forceful current of a river, moving down the winding crevice of a mountain, anger flowed down my body as I read his words. In my hands, I held a document wherein he claimed to be the sole owner, and operator of the business, for which I am the president and sole director; the same business that I'm still managing and was forced to sell due to his fraudulent actions, the same business that my family’s funds built. According to his testimony, it was all his. He created it, built it, and managed it – alone. According to his testimony, I am, for the most part, non existent.
This paper, which later during a hearing on the matter was found to be untrue, is another page in a very ugly chapter of my life. When we look into the eyes of another, we have no way of seeing the truth behind their words. We, by default, go by faith until shown otherwise. Unless it is revealed to us, we never see the parallel life that is being lived and voiced by the one in which we are choosing to trust.
I do not know how others would react if met with a similar set of circumstances. I view this bounty of lies as an infestation of my life and, in many ways, my soul. Undoubtedly, I have all the evidence to continually prove his statements untrue, not just the statements he has made to the State but also the one’s he has made during the recent court proceedings regarding child support. But, as I step back, I contemplate how to process the infestation his lies have made upon my psyche. I now view most everyone with weighted and measured analysis. If I could have been so mistaken by one, is it not safe to say I can be equally as mistaken with others. I would like to believe that when I look into the eyes of someone who wants access to my heart, that their eyes hold only truth.
As we walk along this journey through life; we are all forced to weed through the lies that sprout along the path. There is a heinous violation that occurs when someone attempts to reshape the life of another through lies. It is as if they, having read the story written over the course of time, found it disagreeable. Therefore they attempt to erase the words they dislike, and with a pen driven hard into the paper, they forcefully try to rewrite history. If my psychic was right, and I was a champion for the downtrodden, I have to wonder how successful I was – way back when. I hope, I was met with victory, quite often. Not in a glorified sense, but in the sense that I was able to bring power to those that needed it, and truth to those who have had their integrity equally as challenged as this wayward soul has attempted to do to mine. Oddly, his attempts to alter reality have not destroyed me, they have empowered me. In many ways, he has resurrected an inner layer within me that is much stronger than the seemingly frail outer layer that sits exposed. This chapter will soon be over. But just like the many chapters that fill a book, this chapter has defined a large part of my journey. It is not the climax, and it is by far the conclusion. At best, it is the chapter that reveals who the characters are: their motives, who they are on the outside, and more importantly, who they are on the inside.
Sane
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