He Kept Us Steady

During my father’s final weeks, the only one he had to share his thoughts with, beside my brother and me, was his dog Sophie. He would often laugh and say that he wished she could talk due to their conversations being continually one-sided. He also said that, should something happen to Sophie, he wasn’t sure if he wanted another dog as the pain of losing one cuts too deep. I understood what he meant then, and I understand what he means today. Early this morning, my beloved setter passed away.

Death is inherent to life and yet, nothing about it or the pain associated with it comes easy or natural. Or at least, not to me. I am a bit lost as I write this today. My home is too quiet now that my setter’s noisy nails are no longer prancing across the floor. My home is somber, as is my heart.

I’ve battled depression all of my life. My last two episodes were by far the most severe. The last of which prompted me to write my first novel, the first of which prompted me to pick Stuart, my setter, out of a large cardboard box filled with puppies. I drove half way across the state in search of him. And as soon as my eyes met his, I knew he was the one. I placed him in the passenger seat next to me so we could head home, but I didn’t like how alone he looked sitting by himself in the large seat, reaching over, I put him in my lap for the rest of the ride. And pretty much - from that moment on - together we remained. Because I knew I was slipping down the very dark abyss of depression, I sought out something that would bring light into my life. And that is what this beautiful dog was for me - light.

Stuart helped bring light to some of the darkest moments in my life over the past eight years. He helped keep me safely grounded, balanced and tethered to something steady during times when my life spun wildly out of control.

I have never been so blessed to have this type of love and support from a partner, but I had it from my dog. He gave his love freely, and he has taken with him a piece of my heart. 

Sane